i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize