so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
