fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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