Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize