Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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