dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
