I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
