I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
