my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
