at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
