He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
