Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
