Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
