i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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