honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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