My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
