Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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