dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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