So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
