Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
