I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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