I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
