you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
