There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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