yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
