im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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