I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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