just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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