dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
