meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
