Umm I'm too high to move.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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