shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
