I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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