HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
