I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
