I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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