this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
