and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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