I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
