My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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