I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
In America we eat man semen.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
