Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
