people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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