there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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