I think I just saw someone hide a body.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
