If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
