is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
