is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
