i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Farmville is her only friend.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
