Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
