And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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