I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
