I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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