i used baking grease as lip gloss
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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