the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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