I CAN MOONWALK!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
