I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
