hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
