There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
no you cant smoke seaweed
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
