I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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