Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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