the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
