look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
