Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
