well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My ass is underappreciated
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
