no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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