What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
