There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
