Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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