i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
