omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
